incubating...

introspecting, studying, egg freezing, "winning" the lottery, new year intentions

Jan 28, 2025

I had a mini crisis in August last year. Famously while eating some soupy noodles while catching up with my parents on facetime, I broke down sobbing. It was a culmination of feeling overwhlemed and lost. Despite having incredible trips planned, going to a therapist, meeting up with supportive friends to process things; I felt inadequet, overwhlemed, and an immense pressure that I wasn’t moving fast enough. 2024 somehow felt extremely unbalanced and life was reeling with the feeling that I had more to do but with no direction. I also suffered from decision paralysis which perpetuateed the stress.

There was also the constant rumination about how to do something meaningful, but yet it also had to make money. New York is expensive yall… There always was an underlying motivation for financial security and wealth. And honestly at times it felt like life would be easier if money wasn’t a key factor.

I say this after also having ephemeral thoughts of winning the lottery. A few weeks ago, my friend Rachel and I were looking into the $1.2 billion mystery mega millions winner and whimsically thought about attempting the chance to win. ha! So we ended up driving up to a gas station and bought both powerball and mega million tickets for jokes and giggles.

But at a certian point, we started envisioning the life of wealth, like what IF we won 42 MILLION dollars?

Narrator: this is what they call the beginning of a gambling addiction…

At first it got a bit borderline obsessive - we talked about how we would split it, who we would tell (if anyone), and what would happen if one of us decided to bretray the other lol. But truthfully, we started thinking about what we would do outside of buying a penthouse in the West Village and paying off debt. Rachel wanted work at a boba shop, and I wanted to travel somewhere off the grid and volunteer at a wildlife sanctuary, and create my own VC fund. In conclusion, this exercise has opened up my eyes on what thinking big was.

Which leads me here: late January where I’ve been in my incubating phase.

Understandably, not everyone can incubate and remove themselves from “real life” but I somehow found myself staying home and working remotely for a few extra weeks because I wanted to figure a few things out. The burnout I was feeling back in August needed to be addressed and it was more for me to remove myself from distractions.

How to incubate: in three steps

1. Find your safe space and give yourself time to process

I can say for certain a literal break has helped - I physically removed myself from NYC, and deleted Instagram. And for the first time ever, I cared less about showing up just to show up. For work, friends, and obligations, I took the time to rest and think. My safe space was also being offline, away from public perception and validation from people I don’t need or want.

For those who have a place to go for a retreat, whether that is home or a safe space for creativity, I highly reccomend taking the effort to cut the noise. Your friends will understand. And slow down! Take a walk in silence. According to the many rituals followed by artists with the likes of Tchaikovsky, Beethoven, Mahler, long intentional walks rendered inspiration and art. Now I’m not a composor or world known artist, but the slow life did do wonders for my psyche.

Being home to do all of this has been a tremendous privilege. I got to spend more time with my parents, who have a new found love for travel but also a zest for a simple, sustainable and slow life. My sister wrote a beautiful excerpt about home:

Blue Hour

I dreamed about dogs

The day after I signed with a literary agent for my debut novel, I woke up crying about dogs. Jacob, my boyfriend, asked me what was wrong. “I miss my dogs,” I kept repeating. “I miss my dogs.” I thought, I need to go back to America…

7 months ago · 20 likes · 4 comments · Stacey Yu

2. Identify your objectives or goals

If these goals have set deadlines, be disciplined to hit them

Envision these goals as the north star. Whether the goal is making a decision, or committing to doing something, have the intention to achieve them. I’m not trying to sound hard core, but success comes from people who put their mind to the things they want. Do. Dont Think.

The reason why life can feel so overwhleming is that oftentimes we lack structure and set no deadlines. Which then, you’ll find yourself wallowing in regret that you’ve wasted your time overthinking the same thoughts 3 months ago. (speaking from personal experience) Even if it's an informal one, put some mental dates for yourself, you can always move it.

I had a friend who dedicated 3 full years focusing on school and work and I quote “completely having no social life” so that she could switch non tech to a tech job ladder. And she did it! What a boss

Pro Tip: stack your focus areas to compliment when you multitask

It’s easier to create goals that will compliment each other when you plan out your schedule. Whether it is time bound or energy effective, make sure you find balance in working on both if it makes sense. For example, being more active like hitting 10K steps a day while listening to an audiobook to hit those reading goals. Or allocating the 2 hours before bed to work on career advancement every other day and attend a networking event 1-2 times a week (left vs right brain energy utilized)

For me, there were a few things I told myself I wanted to do and understand before I headed back to NYC in February. They were more instrospective and time bound so I’ve set some deadlines while I worked remotely for the month:

Freezing my eggs - actually incubating lol

This could be a whole separate blog post, but I’ll summarize. My choice to freeze my eggs wasn’t necessarily confirmation that I want kids; but more of a contengency plan. Family planning as a concept is such a privilege and I’m grateful to have the option and choice. The whole process takes about 3 weeks and it’s fascinating to see how the body changes, reacts, and heals. It’s also taught me how potentially painful postpartum is, and I truly commend mothers all over the world for powering through that.

Introspecting on my career path

Some say, going through the application process for business school opens up a lot of career introspection. You place yourself in a scenario of how and why academia would enhance your career, and what exactly is that career.

I committed to the process and because of that, it’s given me a chance to have a hard mental reset. Questions that had me thinking about what I want to learn and work on.

What are my career goals?
Are my goals aligning with where I’ve put my energy right now? If not, how can I change it?
How do I create my board of directors (personal and professional)?
Who do I need to meet to get a step closer to where I want to be?
What would ultimately make me happy and have less regret when I look back on my life?

3. Find people who have the same mental energy and share the journey

If you have friends or family who can keep you accountable, use them. It can be one person, your parents, or a small group. Sharing goals almost forces you to just do it. I also firmly believe that you get motivated when you feel like others receive and reflect the same energy and apply it towards their own goals.

A friend of mine did a 10 day silent retreat at Joshua tree the other week and while I’m one to be skeptical, I was so inspired by her drive to challenge herself and experience this (alone too!). We met up before and after this little side quest, and it was incredible to see the change in her outlook on life. She did her own little incubation period and it served what she needed.

Share Anne's Scribbles

It's the Year of the Snake tomorrow which feels like the perfect time for me to go back home to New York. If January has been a tough month, which I know it has been for many, reframe the Lunar New Year as a 2nd new year to reset

I’ll leave my reflections and New Year intentions below:

I want to create more, launch things, iterate on projects. More to come on this, but I want this year to be the year of relentless pursuit for creativity, career and connection
Doing a few things well is better than doing many things just okay. I want to prioritize a few things this year and do them well.
I’ve really enjoyed being a homebody, I fear a little too much… This time around, theres been no fomo. That said, maybe becuase it’s been a chaotic month